


paved with good intentions

by seventhstar



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal
Genre: Bad Decisions, Good Intentions, Identity Issues, Kidnapping, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 07:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3842578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seventhstar/pseuds/seventhstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Durbe's road to hell.</p>
<p>Or: Durbe discovers Ryoga Kamishiro is Nasch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	paved with good intentions

**Author's Note:**

> This is a dark fic. It contains kidnapping, confinement in a small space, starvation, and some very fucked up attempts at justifying all of the above. There is no character death and no implied or explicit sexual content.

1.

 

His eyes look like the ocean. 

Later, after he is done being shocked by his own origins, after he is done dreaming dreams of worlds he swears are not his, after he has had time to think…he remembers this.

Ryoga Kamishiro’s eyes look like the ocean. Blue, deep, dark, full of secrets. He doesn’t recognize Ryoga’s voice, his face, his stance. It’s close but not quite right. It’s almost.

But the eyes. The eyes are Nasch’s eyes. Durbe knows this better than he knows himself. Nasch was his. He had thought that they were —

Well. If Ryoga Kamishiro is Nasch, Durbe will let go of all his resentment. He had been afraid that Nasch had left them (him) for something else. He had been afraid that Nasch didn’t trust them. He had been afraid Nasch was dead and Durbe would never have answers.

None of those options left Durbe with anything but carrying on. But if Ryoga Kamishiro is Nasch — _those eyes,_ Durbe thinks, _he must be_ — than _that_ changes things.

 

 

 

2.

 

He begins by watching. 

Ryoga Kamishiro is fourteen — inconsistent with the timeline of Nasch’s disappearance at first — but then Durbe discovers the accident Ryoga had as a child, just as Nasch disappeared.

There are similarities in appearance. The hair, the jawline, the build  with some adjustment and aging they could all be Nasch’s. Even the personality is right, if Durbe accounts for his relative immaturity. The deck archetype could be a coincidence, but Durbe still gives it weight.

He can’t not act on this knowledge. The five of them can’t win the war alone.

So now, he thinks, he has to do something. He’s seen how Ryoga reacts to Barians; he doesn’t think he can approach him and hope to have any effect. And if he reveals himself, Ryoga will tell Yuuma and Astral, and that will create further problems.

Durbe loves Nasch. He has to remind himself of this, because his plan is not kind.

 

 

 

3.

 

“Let go of me,” Ryoga yells, thrashing. 

Durbe ignores him. Ryoga is strong, but he doesn’t have Nasch’s incredible strength or access to his powers. Durbe can carry him over his shoulder without difficulty.

He couldn’t ask the others to assist him. Alit and Gilag and Mizael, they might think he was mad, and then they would never let him do it. Merag is missing still (although Durbe has suspicions about Rio Kamishiro, he cannot be sure yet) and Vector absolutely cannot be trusted. Durbe has taken up the mantle of leadership; the least he can do is ensure it passes back to its rightful holders.

No, Durbe must solve this mystery alone. He doesn’t walk far before he opens the portal. Ryoga’s screaming will have attracted attention.

He has prepared a holding cell. He has food, water, a secluded corner Ryoga can use to perform the disgusting human bathroom rituals. He steals three sets of clothes in Ryoga’s size and a full set of bedding from a department store.

Ryoga curses and screams at him when Durbe locks him and leaves him there without his deck or his duel disk or his d-gazer. His insults don’t hurt, and he’s too proud to beg.

Trapped in the energy of Barian World, perhaps whatever is trapped in him will emerge. Durbe, with great reluctance, tosses him Nasch’s crest (how long has Durbe had it, held it, prayed with it) before he seals the door.

With the cell closed, no one can hear the screaming. Durbe settles in to wait.

 

 

 

4. 

 

The first two weeks yield nothing. 

Durbe comes three times a day to bring Ryoga food and to refill his supply of clean water. Ryoga tries to escape every single time. Sometimes he refuses to eat; even when he does eat he eats little. He won’t wear the clothes Durbe has brought, and he doesn’t sleep well, either.

Durbe tries to sit with him. He’s certain that if he just speaks with him enough, whatever is left of Nasch inside him will respond. Surely his thousand years of friendship (and other things) are greater than whatever Ryoga has experienced in his short human life. Surely the Barians need Nasch more than Ryoga Kamishiro needs to exist.

But Ryoga refuses to listen to him. When he speaks, it’s to demand his freedom or demand the reason he’s being held captive. He’s not interested in civil conversation.

Durbe doesn’t know what to do. Ryoga hasn’t responded to him, to the crest that should awaken his powers, to the energy. He considers involving the others and asking their advice. Perhaps together, they can solve the problem. Or maybe, he thinks, he can snatch Rio and see if putting them together helps.

Then Alit delivers the news. Astral and his companions are looking for Ryoga and suspect Barian involvement. They’re trawling the interuniverse space in their Keyship. Eventually, they will find Barian World.

Durbe cannot tell them now. Not when he’s put them in danger and will put them in more danger if they know Ryoga is there. And now he has no chance of snatching Rio.

This calls for desperate measures, he thinks, and he hates himself.

 

 

5. 

 

“…Durbe?”

It takes Ryoga over a week without food before he lowers himself to asking. Durbe is impressed, and proud, and ashamed. But he can’t think of any other way to force a transformation back into Nasch’s form.

He keeps the water tray filled, because he suspects Ryoga _would_ die of thirst before he broke.

“Alright,” Ryoga is saying. “Fine. What do you want from me?”

His voice has lost its bite. Durbe shudders as he opens the cell door, carefully.

Ryoga is inside. He looks terrible, pale, hungry. He shifts away from Durbe as Durbe crawls into the cell with him to speak and he eyes the door as Durbe closes it.

“Humans have to eat, you know.”

“Yes.” Durbe closes his eyes. “I’m sorry it has to be this way.”

“You’re _sorry._ ”

“You won’t believe me yet, but yes. I am.”

“Yet,” Ryoga repeats. “You keep saying that…what the hell are you waiting for?”

It’s the first time Ryoga has shown himself to be receptive to listening, and if it took a week of starvation to get there, well, this is war, Durbe tells himself. The Astral Emissary is coming closer and closer everyday.

“For you to remember your true identity.”

“My _what?_ ” Ryoga stares at him. “What the hell does that mean? I’m me.”

“No,” Durbe whispers. He stares into those eyes. It’s impossible to look at Ryoga and not think of Nasch and ache with missing him. “You are not. Once you were one of us, and I hope that soon, you will be again.”

Ryoga inches away from him, pressing himself into the corner. “You’re insane,” he says. “You kidnapped me because you think I’m one of you?”

“I know who you are, Nasch.” Durbe reaches for the door. “I’m sorry for your suffering, Ryoga. But it’s the only way.”

“No.” Ryoga lunges at him, and his fingers are nearly caught as Durbe slams the door closed behind himself. “Let me out, dammit, let me out!”

With the door shut, Durbe can see him scream but not hear. He blacks out the cell walls again to spare himself.

 

 

 

6. 

 

In desperation, Durbe moves the cell into one of the huge clusters of crystal for the next week. Maybe Ryoga just needs more energy to force the change.

He spends too much time lying in the crystal nearby, wallowing. He misses Nasch. He misses the intimacy of Nasch’s palm on his shoulder gem when he wanted Durbe’s attention, the brief burst of energy of their souls brushing up against each other, the rush of sparring practice, the nights spend under the blood red stars trying to understand their world and their war, the secret of Nasch’s mouthless smile.

He knows he’s making a mistake somewhere, but he can’t see any way of undoing it now. If he lets Ryoga go, Ryoga may never remember, may suppress his past deeply, may remember and be targeted by the Astrals while he’s vulnerable, may be killed by an always opportunistic Vector. He can’t let Ryoga go until he remembers.

_Nasch will understand,_ he thinks, and while he waits he decides he needs to find Merag.

If it is Rio, and he sees no other answer, then he hoped to simply let Nasch approach her himself. He would be most suited for it. But time is running out, so he thinks about grabbing her and throwing her in with Ryoga. Would it help? Would it make them more determined to deny the truth?

He can’t think. He’s grasping for the right tactic, and it isn’t coming.

And all the while, more of the legendary Numbers are being found — he had glimpsed Mizael earlier in a state of shock so severe he’d hardly heard Durbe speak — and Yuuma and Astral are coming.

He checks in on Ryoga briefly everyday by making the ceiling of the cell transparent.  Nothing of interest happens, besides him wasting away before Durbe’s eyes.

He’s going to have to either feed him or let him die soon.

 

 

 

7. 

 

“Nasch?" 

Ryoga is asleep when Durbe opens the door. He’s carrying a container of stolen soup, still warm; it was what seemed easiest to digest, so he’d grabbed it. He shakes Ryoga awake, but his head lolls and he doesn’t stir.

Fingers shaking, Durbe feels for a pulse. It’s weak.

“No.” He feels again. He counts the beats; too slow, he thinks. “Nasch? Ryoga? Wake up.”

Of course, Ryoga has never, ever done anything Durbe has asked him to do, so he remains unconscious. Durbe curses quietly to himself. Now he has a choice: take Ryoga back to the human world, where he certainly can be saved. Or keep him here and hope he’ll return to being Nasch before it’s too late.

“Dammit.” Durbe slams his fist into the wall. Has he killed the person he loves, out of his own desperation and stupidity, is he truly this — “Dammit.”

He crawls out of the cell to check if the coast is clear so he can cross over.

Yuuma Tsukumo is standing ten feet away.

Beside him is Astral, and on his other side is Rio.

And just behind them is Alit.

“What’s that?” Yuuma asks. He points at the cell. “What’s in there?”

“Nothing,” Durbe lies. He looks to Alit for help. “What are you doing here, Astral? If you’ve come to duel —”

“They didn’t come to duel.” Alit speaks softly. His temper is so much worse when it burns slowly. Durbe is afraid. “They came looking for their friend. That Ryoga kid. I told them we didn’t have him.”

“Alit.”

“I told them,” Alit says, “that we were honorable enough that we wouldn’t kidnap their comrade for no reason.”

“Alit, I can explain —”

“Is Shark in there?” Yuuma asks, as Rio bursts out at the same time, “I told you, we couldn’t trust any of them —”

“So if that’s true, Durbe, what’s in the box?”

Durbe looks around wildly for something. It couldn’t be worse if he had set out to plan his own demise, and Rio’s fists are clenched and her eyes are narrowed and if he didn't know she was Merag before, he knows she is now when he sees her at her worst.

He can’t even say he doesn’t deserve it. He just knows he needs Nasch. They need Nasch. Yuuma Tsukumo could _never_ understand.

“I won’t let you take him back,” he says.

All of four of their expressions twist.

“So you do have him!” Yuuma yells. He moves towards Durbe.

Rio is quicker. She doesn’t speak, she just lunges at him so fast she blurs. She knocks him out of the way before he has time to brace himself. She rips open the cell door so hard it snaps off its hinges.

“Wait,” he says. Yuuma nearly steps on him in his rush to follow Merag. “Wait!”

He goes ignored. They crawl into the cell. He hears the scream of rage, the whispers, a horrible noise he thinks is them crying.

Alit stands over him. He doesn’t say anything, but Durbe is certain if he tries to get up there will be a fight on his hands.

He can’t attack Alit. He stays on the ground.

“Why?” Alit asks. 

“I didn’t know what else to do.”

 

 

 

8.

 

When Ryoga wakes up he thinks he’s still dreaming.

He’s not in the box anymore. The ceiling is white and too far away. It’s cold, and he can actually hear noises, and this can’t be real.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been in the cell. The endless, unchanging light and the lack of food meant e had no way to mark the passage of time. His sleep had been fitful at first, and then he couldn’t keep awake, his stomach empty and cramping, and time had ceased to matter.

But he’s been in there long enough that he’s dreaming, or hallucinating, something better than what is real.

Ryoga swallows. He may as well enjoy this while he can. He sits up and looks around.

It’s a hospital room. His clothes are sitting folded on a table nearby, with a pitcher and glass of water so cold he can see the condesation on the sides, and a bowl of something steaming. There are books and his dueling equipment piled up on the chair.

There’s an IV in the back of his hand, hooked up to two big bags of clear fluid.

_As dreams go,_ he thinks, _this isn_ _’t so bad._

There are voices out in the hallway. He could just stay here until he wakes up (if he wakes up). Look at all his stuff. Pretend he’s at home.

He recognizes the voices. He doesn’t think he can bear it, if he seems them and they do something to break the illusion of reality. He can’t handle that, and he needs all his wits. What if he wakes up and Durbe comes back?

And then the doorknob turns and Ryoga realizes that he’s having a nightmare.

“Shark!”

“Ryoga!”

They rush in, his sister and his best friend and they fling themselves at him and Ryoga is ashamed but he can’t help it. He cowers.

Yuuma freezes in place and Rio winces like he’s slapped her.

“You’re awake,” she says. “Finally. The doctors said it might be another day.”

“I’m not awake,” Ryoga snaps. “Fuck, if I’m going to hallucinate, couldn’t I not have nightmares?”

Yuuma’s eyes are huge. He reaches out for Ryoga’s hand on the blanket. “Shark…it’s okay. You’re safe, we came and found you…”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Alright. Maybe you are dreaming. Here.” Rio picks up the tray with the water and the food and brings it over. The tray has little legs that fold out, so it becomes a lap table. “It won’t hurt you to eat.”

Ryoga can’t argue with that logic, and he is so, so hungry. He picks up the spoon with shaking fingers. It feel heavy in his hand. But he gets some soup in it, and he gets it to his mouth.

It burns his tongue, but it’s delicious. It feels good in his mouth. It feels even better in his stomach. If this is a dream, it is the most vivid, most realistic dream he has ever had.

Yuuma sits down on the edge of the bed on one side; Rio sits on the other. They both watch him eat. Yuuma holds the glass of water for him when he wants a drink and can’t lift the glass.

It’s humiliating, but Yuuma doesn’t appear to have noticed. He keeps staring at Nasch with an expression of mixed happiness and concern that makes Ryoga’s chest hurt.

When the bowl is half empty, Rio taps his arm. “Don’t rush it. You’ll make yourself sick. They’ve been feeding you by IV for the last two days.”

“I’ve been asleep for two days?”

“You hadn’t eaten in ten days. You’re lucky to be alive.” Rio snatches at his wrist. He lets her hold onto him. Her grip is solid.

Her grip feels real.

Yuuma tentatively puts a hand on his shoulder. His fingers are warm. “Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” Ryoga says back. Yuuma looks so sad. If Ryoga were dreaming, he thinks, he’d make Yuuma happier. So maybe…so maybe…

No, it’s just wishful thinking. He’s going to wake up in the box. He has to be strong.

“Do you know what happened?” Yuuma slides closer to him on the bed. “You went missing three weeks ago. And we couldn’t find you, and we started looking for you in the Keyship because Astral said he could track you by your Numbers, and when we found you you were…”

Three weeks. That seems too short.

“You were starving to death because one of the Barians kidnapped you.” Rio’s grip on his wrist hurts. She sees him flinch and relaxes her hand. Her eyes are hard. “He could have killed you.”

“He thinks I’m a Barian.” Ryoga shrugs. “Don’t know what the starving me was about.”

He can’t hide the shiver of fear. Yuuma presses his shoulder against his.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s nothing.” Rio lets him go, abruptly. She tucks the blanket in around him. “I’ll take care of this.”

She looks different, somehow. It’s her face and her voice, but still something had changed. Ryoga can’t quite grasp what it is. And it kind of chafes, to have Rio have to defend him.

But if she says it’s handled, he thinks, it’s handled. Even if this is just a dream.

“Okay,” he says.

“I’ll be back.” She kisses his head. “Rest. Yuuma, you’ll stay with him?” 

“Of course.” Yuuma nods seriously. “I won’t leave him alone no matter what.”

 

 

 

0. 

 

“Durbe.”

She finds him. Not that Durbe has made an effort to hide. He’s still in the same spot, a few feet from the cell. Alit offered to guard him for her, but Merag laughed. She told him it was fine.

He’s not going to run.

“Merag.”

“I trusted you.” She stands before him. She’s still in her human guise, but she is absolutely terrifying, and he knows she could kill him.

Well, he thinks bitterly, he got what he wanted. She remembers.

He discarded the idea of directly attacking Nasch immediately, because he didn’t have the spine for it. He regrets that now. Maybe it would have worked and Nasch would have laughed and he wouldn’t be here now.

“I’ve always trusted you,” she says, “and you almost killed him.”

“I made a mistake.” Durbe doesn’t feel the need to explain. It won’t quell her anger. She hates excuses. “Kill me, if you wish.”

“Kill you?” Merag raises an eyebrow. “No. I’m not going to kill you. He’s starting to remember, I think. He’s healing faster than a human should. I don’t think it will be long.”

Durbe freezes.

“So when he remembers, if he wants you dead, he can do it. But I think he won’t.” Merag folds her arms over her chest. “You’ll just have to live with the guilt.”

Durbe can’t think of anything worse than that. He’s forced to admire her.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do about Astral. We can’t just…” She sighs. “Just wait for your orders, Durbe.”

“Just because he’s kind doesn’t mean he isn’t the enemy, Merag.”

“Just because you and Nasch were together for centuries didn’t mean you were an ally, Durbe.”

“I didn’t know what else to do,” he tells her then. “We were losing. We needed him.”

“Don’t.” Merag clenches her teeth together. Then she disappears.

Durbe just sits there. He waits. Eventually he’ll have to face Nasch.

For now he contemplates death.


End file.
